Just Breathe...

Hey everyone,

Again - its been a while. Thank you to all the readers for checking out my page even while its been quiet. Things as usual have been hectic and for the first time in my life I experienced something I have heard about and seen on websites and TV but never been affected by it myself - a panic attack. 

I didn't really know what it was when it was happening. I have a big decision to make and time is running out to make it. It’s been a good couple of months since I’ve known about what may happened but I’ve just been burying my head in sand - FYI, not a good move. There have been a few times in the past month where someone has brought something up about it and I got a sense of claustrophobia and an increase in breathing rate. I didn't really think anything of it and just carried on. I knew I was nervous and I suffer from asthma so thought it would just be the combination of the two that affected me. 

Then a couple of weeks ago the thought of time running out caught up with me. I had a conversation with my family and it didn't go very well on my side. That evening was when the full on panic attack happened. I was lying in bed, trying to get to sleep so I could forget about everything and I got asked the simple question of “how are you feeling?” and I don't remember much else in-between. I got suddenly felt really sick, my breathing increased. It was as though the fight or flight response had started. I wanted to run and hide but I felt completely stuck. My body tensed and I felt really cold so started shivering but I was warm. I couldn't talk, I couldn't think. I wanted to cry but couldn’t. It lasted about 10-15 minutes although felt like hours. 

When my breathing slowed and my body started to relax my mind was still reeling. Even to this day I feel my heart rate and breathing increase. I had never experienced anything close to this before in my life. I wondered if it had been a panic attack but felt like I couldn't label it with a term I know can be thrown about. I spoke to a few of my closest friends and, of course, Chris who thought it could have been. I am tempted to phone and make a doctors appointment, I need to about my back anyway so could throw the two together I guess. 

I know this has been quite a personal post, the joy of having a blog is it gives you the opportunity to put whats going on in your head and life on paper (well, almost) and relieve some of the anxiety around it. As my Grampa used to say, “A worry shared is a worry halved”. 

Ending my post as I always do, as a reminder to myself as well as to anyone who reads this..

Keep smiling..

x

#beeyou